Veterans Day and other patriotic holidays can really catch many of us off guard. Ironically, the one day of the year set aside to honor our veterans is often one of the most difficult for many of them. Especially those with PTSD. And the sad thing is that most people do not get it. So how do those with Posttraumatic Stress and their loved ones best survive this time of year?
I got a real shock the day I was looking for Veterans Day cards at our huge local super store. Three complete aisles and four end displays of greeting cards, including rows and rows of Halloween cards (that in itself would be another blog another time). Could not find the Veterans Day cards.
So I asked an employee (who had worked there for 15 years). She had not even heard of Veterans Day! What? Excuse me???
Finally I found them. Just a few cards. Down at the bottom. It made me mad. And sad. So I bought a whole bunch (if you ever need one, call me.)
For the first time, I realized that I too am more susceptible to being triggered this week. Do not be surprised if our vets and those of us who love them seem more irritable than usual this time of year. Symptoms of PTSD may be much more hot-wired (such as sleep disturbances, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, withdrawing, outbursts of emotions, hyper-vigilance, flashbacks, and maybe even suicidal thoughts).
I am coming to believe that a lot more veterans have PTSD than realize it. They often carry themselves well in parades and other patriotic events. And rightly so. They DO deserve all the honor and gratitude they receive! But inside many of those brave uniformed bodies are hidden the terrors of war. No one but the veteran really knows the horror they lived through. And relive over and over again.
A good question came up on our Love Our Vets Facebook page: How do you honor your loved ones on holidays like Veterans Day without triggering the waves of emotions surrounding the trauma of serving? Since every veteran and their experiences are unique, what might trigger one may be fine for another. For some, just the mention of the military may send them into a tailspin; for others, recognition of their service is deeply meaningful.
We can never totally avoid triggers, but we can stay aware of what might be a potential source of re-traumatizing. I encourage you to talk about it with them. Ask them how to best honor them without stirring up the irritations (they would probably use a stronger word 😉 ). Perhaps you can tailor make a special card just for them. I did for my husband and it really touched him. (See below.) And remember that for all of us, whether PTSD survivors or loved ones, we ALL need the lifeline of good peer support.
So whether you are a veteran or a loved one,
please be sure to surround yourself
with good support during this time,
stay aware of your own triggers, and take care of YOU.
And if you do decide to celebrate, here are links to some great Veterans Day and military discounts. It is good to know that some people DO get it!
http://militarybenefits.info/veterans-day-discounts-sales-deals-free-meals/
http://www.military.com/discounts/
http://themilitarywallet.com/veterans-day-free-meals-and-discounts/
Thank you ALL who have served and sacrificed. I am one of many who are truly grateful!
~Welby O’Brien, Author of LOVE OUR VETS: Restoring Hope for Families of Veterans with PTSD
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Welby O’Brien loves her Veteran husband as they face the daily challenges of PTSD. With a Masters Degree in counseling, she has authored the book LOVE OUR VETS: Restoring Hope for Families of Veterans with PTSD and leads the LOVE OUR VETS – PTSD Family Support network.
Love Our Vets – PTSD Family Support on Facebook
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