Independence Day and other patriotic holidays are a blast! Party time! For many. But for others, this “blast” propels them right back into the heat of battle. Physically and emotionally. How ironic and gut-wrenching that the very warriors who sacrificed so we could celebrate our freedom are the ones who may suffer most on this day.
No need to spoil the fun, because it truly is a celebration. But there is a disturbing and disheartening lack of awareness on the part of most about just what exactly serving and sacrificing may entail:
The man or woman veteran of any age whom we
greatly honor, could very likely still be at war.
24/7. For the rest of their lives.
Sacrificing for our freedom can include dying, or being wounded visibly or invisibly.
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is an invisible injury, and it can affect anyone, resulting from any severe life-threatening trauma. At that moment, the whole person gets locked into emergency mode – fight, flight or freeze survival – and will stay locked in that emergency mode at some level for the rest of their lives. 24/7 they live as if the original trauma or an impending crisis could occur at any moment, overwhelming their ability to cope. When something triggers them, they have no reserve with which to handle it. PTSD affects millions just in the U.S. alone along with ALL those who live with them and care about them.
When you gobble down that potato salad, relish the barbecue, and light off those fireworks, please try to imagine experiencing any of these at any time: flashbacks, avoidance, numbing, putting up walls, withdrawing, hyper-vigilance, irritability, easily startled, memory blocks, sudden bursts of anger or other emotions, difficulty sleeping, nightmares, fear, depression, anxiety, substance abuse and other addictive behaviors, difficulty holding a job, relationship problems, or suicidal thoughts.
So what can we do to help those who may be veterans, or may have Posttraumatic Stress from other traumas? And what can those who struggle with PTSD do to successfully make it through? We cannot delete the day on the calendar, nor should we deny ourselves the privilege of celebrating these events with gratitude (and fun!).
First and foremost we need to realize that we cannot fix it. Although there are many resources to help PTSD (see www.LoveOurVets.org), it will always be there at some level. Rather, as friends, family and loved ones, it is our privilege to care and support in any way we can. It is important to do all we can to learn more about PTSD.
As the wife of a veteran who has struggled with PTSD for over four decades, I share what I and many others are learning personally in LOVE OUR VETS: Restoring Hope for Families of Veterans with PTSD. The good news is that many are learning and growing successfully in spite of the PTSD.
Please be considerate when doing fireworks, and realize that it may be very difficult for those nearby who struggle with PTSD. Here are some tips for those who may be triggered by the fireworks to help you feel safe and be safe on this upcoming holiday:
*Surround yourself with good people, perhaps other veterans or family you know and enjoy.
*Pet lovers – stay close to your furry friends. They don’t like fireworks either!
*Treat your body with good comforts such as a soothing massage, your favorite music, closeness with the one you love, and great food.
*Many find it helpful to leave town, or go somewhere quiet.
*Others turn on loud white noise, watch a good movie, or crank up music to drown out the sounds of the fireworks. (And maybe a good pair of earplugs at bedtime.)
*Stay sheltered indoors, far away from loud explosions and lights in the sky, and do not even drive that day if you can help it.
*And for the loved ones, you may want to just sit quietly with them, listen when they need to talk, and always respect their space when they need to be alone.
As you do what you can to help them, NEVER stop living yourself, but do what YOU need and want.
Finally, I encourage ALL of us to stop and THANK anyone we know who has served and sacrificed for our freedom, the reason we can celebrate, with or without fireworks.
Welby O’Brien is crazy about her Veteran husband, and together they face the daily challenges of PTSD. Holding a Master’s Degree in counseling from Portland State University and a teaching degree from Biola University, she has authored Goodbye for Now (grief support), and Formerly A Wife (divorce support), and LOVE OUR VETS: Restoring Hope for Families of Veterans with PTSD (www.LoveOurVets.org). She is also a contributing author to Chicken Soup for the Soul: Divorce and Recovery, Chicken Soup for the Soul: The Spirit of America, as well as Shepherding Women in Pain . Welby initiated and continues to facilitate the spouse and family support network known as Love Our Vets – PTSD Family Support, LLC.
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