The month of June is dedicated to PTSD Awareness. Thankfully, for the first time in our history there is an abundance of information about PTSD, and help for those who struggle with it (which in the U.S. alone is millions!). So why then are so many – including all their loved ones around them – still seriously suffering? At the risk of being politically incorrect, I think I have an answer to what may be missing.
Posttraumatic stress disorder can happen to ANYONE, not just veterans, and it results from exposure to an experience that is horrific or life-threatening. And although the whole person gets locked into emergency survival mode at some level for the rest of their life, there is help and hope. It IS possible that good things can come out of the PTSD, and those who have it and those who love them can truly live fulfilling lives (not perfect, but alive and growing).
It has been said that the only thing worse than the horrendous trauma itself, and living with the posttraumatic stress for the rest of one’s life, is experiencing it all alone. For most, the moment of terrorizing trauma was a frightening feeling of aloneness, helplessness and hopelessness. The utter absence of help, hope, comfort and companionship.
For me and my veteran husband, who has battled PTSD for over 40 years, as well as for many others I know, wholeness begins with connection. Having someone who cares and is present. With you. PTSD and all. In the flashbacks. In the depression. In the anxiety. In the aftermath of nightmares. In the fear and dread. In and after the triggers.
We who love our PTSD survivors, whether veterans or not, do not need to always totally feel – or understand – what our loved ones go through. And that is okay. What is important is caring. And being there. Not to fix. Just to support. Listen. Love. Encourage them to get help and support, and respect their need for healthy space. (While at the same time we have to remember the importance of caring for our own needs regularly…see LOVE OUR VETS: Restoring Hope for Families of Veterans with PTSD).
In addition to connecting with those who care, the other vital connection is with God. For me personally it is through prayer, music, reading the Bible, and walking alone in the beauty of nature. For my vet, it is reading his Bible, praying, listening to his favorite gospel radio and T.V. shows, and connecting with other men who also want God in their lives.
All the wonderful things out there that help with PTSD are also very important. But I liken it to someone with a serious heart condition. All the lifestyle changes and proper meds will do a world of good. But how much more so if in addition to all that, it were possible to have a healthy and successful heart transplant. There would still be pain, and it would not be perfect, but what a world of difference to have a totally new heart.
Same with God. The PTSD and all of life’s challenges will always be there. But what if you knew that you would never again be alone? What if you had promises, and hope for today, tomorrow and every day after? God offers so much that even the best doctors and the best loved ones can never provide.
The missing parts? Love and faith.
Connection with those who care, and connection with God.
I am able to say this with confidence because I am living it. I see it every day in my life and my vet’s life. He will always face the challenges of PTSD. (We both will). But I have seen him come alive in these last few years. He is no longer numb. The depression does not hijack him into a deep dark cave for days/ weeks at a time. We can connect. We can pray together. I can sit with him in his pain and dark times. We can talk and pray about everything, including his fears, guilt, memories and nightmares.
I am learning to stay mindful of me also. I am no longer numb as I had been most of my life. Together we are growing and learning in the ups and downs.
But not numb. Alive. Not alone. Connected. With each other and with God.
If you struggle with PTSD, or know someone who does, I encourage you to contact your VA or other local chaplain if you can. Also, please see our wealth of resources listed on our website.
Finally, I want to THANK all who have served and sacrificed, and all who are still serving and sacrificing so I could have the freedom to post this, and you could read it. May we always be a country that can freely talk about God and celebrate our freedom to connect with Him at any time.
God bless YOU!
Welby O’Brien is crazy about her Veteran husband, and together they face the daily challenges of PTSD. Holding a Master’s Degree in counseling from Portland State University and a teaching degree from Biola University, she has authored Goodbye for Now (grief support), and Formerly A Wife (divorce support), and LOVE OUR VETS: Restoring Hope for Families of Veterans with PTSD (www.LoveOurVets.org). She is also a contributing author to Chicken Soup for the Soul: Divorce and Recovery, Chicken Soup for the Soul: The Spirit of America, as well as Shepherding Women in Pain . Welby initiated and continues to facilitate the spouse and family support network known as Love Our Vets – PTSD Family Support, LLC.
