Surrounded by over 600 honored veterans in one room, I overheard one of them say, “It’s a wonder any of us came back!” My husband and I spent the week at a national military reunion for his division. Shook us both up. Big time. For many of the veterans it was a week of reminiscing and as some would say a lot of BS bragging; but for far too many, deep down inside it was a trip down memory nightmare lane.
Many stories were recounted and likely relived. Emotions brimmed at the surface, of even those most valiant and outwardly calloused. Those of us wives and loved ones stood proudly by their sides. Yet only we know the secrets of their torment in sleepless nights, terrifying nightmares, haunting flashbacks, and round the clock dreadful fear of attack. Only we know the grief and pain and horror encased so deeply inside of them.
And so many will always be plagued with the haunting question of why did I survive and the others did not? Just luck?
We honor our veterans and are so proud of them. But even more than their active military duty, we admire them for their courage to live every moment since.
For those with PTSD it is the
day to day battles that
make our veterans true heroes.
It is not always easy or glamorous to be a veteran or their loved one. For those of us who love them and live with them, we also struggle to survive. In the book Love Our Vets: Restoring Hope for Families of Veterans with PTSD, I offer specific help and encouragement for the nitty gritty day to day life we share with our vets. As we stay mindful of our own needs and continue to love them and stand by them whether or not they recognize their trauma, they do appreciate us more than they can express. And it may not be easy, but it IS worth it!
And we thank God every day that they did come back.
Welby O’Brien is crazy about her Veteran husband, and together they face the daily challenges of PTSD. Holding a Master’s Degree in counseling from Portland State University and a teaching degree from Biola University, she has authored Goodbye for Now (grief support), and Formerly A Wife (divorce support), and LOVE OUR VETS: Restoring Hope for Families of Veterans with PTSD (www.LoveOurVets.org). She is also a contributing author to Chicken Soup for the Soul: Divorce and Recovery, Chicken Soup for the Soul: The Spirit of America, as well as Shepherding Women in Pain . Welby initiated and continues to facilitate the spouse and family support network known as Love Our Vets – PTSD Family Support, LLC.
